Sunday, December 1, 2013

With A Heavy Heart...

 I think this may be one of my more difficult posts to write. I know I've written a couple others, where I allow myself to be vulnerable, and open myself up for critics...

But I've been doing a lot of thinking and we've had a few experiences recently where I just feel like it might be worth posting...
See this little guy? He is the sweetest, most caring little man I have ever known. He loves to hug and kiss everybody he meets. He loves to say hi to strangers and loves loves loves to go to the playground.
Everyday before his nap he asks if he can go for a walk to the playground. And most days he gets to. But lately, we've been noticing a trend. There will be a small group of kids there 2-3 of them and it's not the same kids, it's happened at different parks. These kids will be playing together and PJ will come up to play with them and they will be so mean and either make a game out of running away from him when he goes up to them and asks them to play or they'll just ignore him. He's only 3, he doesn't understand clicks or anything like that. My heart sinks every time. What absolutely breaks it is when we decide that the kids have been too mean to him that we tell him it's time to come home and he'll come up to me and say "kids are mean mommy." And I agree they are...some of them. So I try to teach him it's not all kids but it's some. My heart absolutely aches that this is something he has to learn at an early age, that some kids are mean. That they haven't been taught to be kind.
It doesn't just stop at childhood either. I took a friend to lunch the other day and she chose to sit in a booth that had an older lady (either a mom or grandma) sitting behind ours and then her 3 granddaughters/daughters sitting across from her. As I sat down my heart sank, I felt the booth dip. I'm a big girl, I know. But booths shouldn't dip. Something must've been lose, the booth I sat in the day before didn't. Anyways as my side of the booth went down, her side went up. Think teeter totter. I was mortified. She could have been the bigger person (figuratively) and not said anything, but she didn't. She bounced up and down on the booth a couple times emphasizing how she couldn't get back lower. Then I heard her say to the girls about how it's because I was so big. They giggled. Ouch. I wished I could go home and go up to my mom and say, "adults are mean mommy." To which I'm sure she'd offer the same consoling words. That yes they are but not all of them. Apparently adults are forgetting to be kind, and it's rubbing off on the children who follow their examples.

Those little girls had an example that day. I can guarantee that they will not treat somebody overweight with kindness, if they have that sort of example all of the time. Did you know the "Percent of adults age 20 years and over who are obese: 35.9% (2009-2010) & the Percent of adults age 20 years and over who are overweight (and not obese): 33.3% (2009-2010)" -CDC and the numbers are rising. That's a little over 1 in every 4 people. I know that people think that you can shame somebody into being thin. In fact that was proposed recently here. I can assure you, I shame myself everyday. I have yet to become thin from it.

I'm rambling now...I know. I'm just saddened by the lack of kindness I see everyday. And so I wanted to send out a plea. Parents, please teach your children to be kind. The world needs more kind people in it. Please teach them that we all have struggles, for some they are on the inside, and for some they are on the outside. Please be examples of kindness. Kindness truly is contagious. Please share that kindness whenever you can. Give a little grace to those around you. Nobody knows that battles someone else faces unless they take the time to find out. Please please please be kind.

Sincerely, a broken hearted mommy.


  1. My heart breaks for both of you for your recent experiences. It's a choice we all make each day, each minute of each day, whether to be kind and full of grace or to be mean. And when we do slip and are mean, we have a choice to stay there in meanland or to apologize, try to make it right and try to never do that again. I send you a mama-hug and want to give you proof of what you know - that is is only some of the people who choose to be mean. I stand with you and your family who are choosing to be kind.

  2. Oh my goodness I don't know what to say besides how darn mean that was that happened to you. And the same thing happens to my 8 year old grandson too.
    We go to the park and he doesn't much ask to play anymore because he knows better now so he plays by himself. I don't have the answer for you on either thing that has happened but I am so sorry it did..mean people.

  3. I love this post! You are really such a good person! That's one of the reasons I love reading your blog so much. I agree. We need to teach our kids to be kind, not only by works, but by our own actions!

  4. Oh Jessica I'm so sorry that you went through this! As a bigger girl too, I TOTALLY get it. I wish the world would accept us for who we are and that other mothers/women/men/fathers/everyone would be better examples. I sincerely hope you know that you're still a great mom and that you're beautiful no matter what others say! Here's to spreading kindness!

  5. Oh Jessica, I couldn't agree with you more!! I have had several of these experiences too with my children and with myself. I try so hard to "believe" in the goodness of humanity, but some days I wonder why I even bother. It blows my mind that people no longer go by the thumper rule. It's just sad!! I feel you sister...big hugs!!

    PS-I was so sad to not get to meet you the other night at the headshots! Hope you are feeling better.

  6. Thanks for posting this because it reminds me to be nicer. I'm a very nice person but us nice people need to be even nicer to make up for the mean people.

  7. I was looking though my old letters from middle school (do you remember HAND WRITTEN NOTES! miss that) and I was thinking how glad I was that I got to grow up and be a better person, 'cause man I sure seemed whiny and annoying.

    Too bad that lady stayed that way. And too bad the young girls with her will have her as an example. That's terrible.