The Most Important Lesson

I can’t believe that I’ve finished the book I’ve been reading for my marriage course, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by Dr. John M. Gottman. It was amazing, and eye opening. I am not over exaggerating when I say that I think that everyone should read it. If you’re like me though, and are incredibly short on extra time at the moment I wanted to share the most important lesson that I learned from this book. With 91% accuracy and after observing a couple for fifteen minutes Dr. Gottman could predict whether or not your marriage will work. What it comes down to is friendship.

Dr. Gottman shared some good news when he says, “Partners don’t have to achieve a perfect relationship to succeed at love. The key is learning how to better attune to each other and make friendship a top priority.” A question that Dr. Gottman shared to ask yourself is if your partner makes a mistake are you as quick to forgive it as you are a guest who just spilled red wine on your white carpet. That really gave me pause because I have to admit, that I’m not! Sometimes I want my pound of flesh. Instead of responding how I would respond to a guest, which is akin to saying “no big deal”. I want amends made, apologies uttered, chocolates delivered etc. This thought process is completely skewed and I need to take the example of Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast when he invited Belle to “Be Our Guest.”

Another lesson that I learned from my study of this book is that it is by the small and ordinary acts, our day to day that we can really nourish and build our relationships with our spouses. I was never one to carve out a weekly date with my husband, now that we have I feel closer to him. I enjoy the time we spend together. Even if it's just perusing the aisles of Walmart trying to remember our kid's shoe sizes. It's how we spend time in the ordinary that makes our marriages extraordinary.